Not quite as serious as it sound, I promise. Today during my anime club, we were all kind of hanging out, talking before we started. I pulled out my camera and held it up, 'cause I wanted to take a picture and use it as a poster or something for the anime club, since I'm doing one for the jazz band anyways.
Schuylar has always been one to maintain his image, and I don't blame him for that. He's a middle-school boy. Middle-school boys jerk off all the time, but I didn't expect this.
So I had the camera and I turned to the club and I was like, "Hey, guys. Can I get a group picture of you? I wanna draw you and stuff for, like, a poster." Kellie, William, Elizabeth, Shelly, and Lindsey were all like, "cool, whatever you say, boss." So I was feeling pretty good. But Schuylar looked kind of nevous. I gave him the sort of 'what's up'-look thing.
All he says is, "Can I, you know, not be in it? I have an image to maintain."
I've always thought of Schuylar as a friend. That hasn't changed. But then Maddie agreed. It was heartbreaking.
Since when has doing something you like been something to be ashamed of? It was also hurtful that they would chose their social image over me. (Sure, I didn't know Maddie, but Schuylar's always like, "We're best pals, right?")
So having him say that, in front of everyone, about something I feel pretty passionate about was humiliating, to say the least.
I really hope I wasn't cold to him after that, but it almost felt like a--and I regret saying this--physical blow.
Is it me?
Am I just not that important to him?
Would he rather just stop talking to me to keep up his 'image'?
16.10.08
6.10.08
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